Um, yep...

....it's been a whole month since my last blog post.  It's not as if I haven't thought about blogging... I just haven't carved out the time to do so.

Lot's of stuff happening around here and as usual, the end of school has us swamped with track, school field trips, all things soccer related - games, practices, etc., and end of school projects, reports and events, etc.  Fun, fun!

Throw into the mix a few photography sessions and you have the makin's of one busy mama.

But, probably the biggest news (for me, anyway) is that Randy surprised me with a new vehicle about three weeks ago!

The girls and I pulled up to the house and I hit the automatic garage door opener and there sat my dream car!  A brand new Toyota 4-Runner 4x4 Trail version.  It's black with black interior and super cool!

We've talked about getting a new vehicle, but I had it in my mind that we would wait for another year or so.  But, Randy had other ideas.  He already knew exactly what I wanted, so he just went and got it for me.  Pretty cool man I've got there, don't ya think?

The girls are out of school (Friday & Monday) for Easter break and I could not be more excited!  We needed a break in a bad way.  I think today we'll stop by Sonic, get a big drink and head to the park for some much needed down time.   

Happy Birthday to my "baby"

Happy Birthday Kyla Mae!  

You are now 10.

I can't believe how quickly you've grown up.  It makes my heart hurt seeing you grow so fast, but each and every day, I'm so amazed at you.

There's nothing you can't do... as long as you give it 100%

In honor of you, here's TEN for TEN of things about YOU

1. You live and breathe soccer.
2. You can juggle a soccer ball 405 times (w/o stopping or dropping the ball.)
3. The kids at school marvel at your belching abilities.  I blame your father.
4. Your favorite thing to wear are athletic shorts and a baggy t-shirt.  (I blame myself for this one.)
5. You love, love, love ALL dogs and say, "AWWWWW" anytime you see one.
6. You love beans.  Black beans, baked beans, charro beans, etc. 
7. Your favorite game is Candy Crush.
8. Your favorite television show is "Regular Show".
9. You like school, but know you'd rather be outside playing.
10. You can get a volleyball over the net with an overhand serve (at the regulation line.) Wow!

December 5 - 25 Days of Christmas Blogging Challenge

Yesterday, I said goodbye to the last vestiges of my 30's and today, I say hello to my forties.

Honestly, the days leading up to my 40th birthday have been filled with thoughts of  'wow' and 'how did I get here?'  Not that I am surprised I'm still alive... no, more like... what happened to those 40 years and how did I get here so fast?

I'll be the first to admit, I don't feel 40 and everyone tells me I don't look 40... And it's true... 40 in 2012 is vastly different than what 40 was 40 years ago in 1972.  But, I'd be remiss if I didn't at least mention that my mortality has become very real and tangible this past year.  I mean, theoretically, half of my life is over... and dang, the first half zoomed by so quickly.

So, what have I learned in my 40 years?  Well, I'm not sure.  I'm not even sure I am who I'm meant to be.

But,...

• I know that there is nothing more important on this earth than your family.
• I know that trying to be someone you are not meant to be is only a burden.
• I know that I have limits and I'm not afraid to admit them.
• I know how to love fiercely and completely.
• I know that being a rule follower will keep you "safe", but oftentimes keeps you on the sidelines.
• I know that as long as I draw breath, God's not finished with me.
• I know that the days are long, but the years are short.
• I know my season right now is not about me and that's good too.

And, that's what I know.


Today is also my 14th wedding anniversary.  I'd have to say of my top 5 list of things that I'm most proud of, I'd say that I'm proud of the marriage that Randy and I share.  I'm proud of us... that we've made it this far... and have no plans of quitting.  That he loves me unconditionally and I love him unconditionally..  That he will protect me, love me and make me happy until the day we die and I will do the same.  That's he's mine and I'm his.


Randy, I love you.  Thank you for making me the happiest girl on the planet!

Eleven

Wow.  Eleven years old. I can't hardly believe my eyes.

Elisan, you've become such an extraordinary young lady.  You are beautiful... inside and out. Your intelligence amazes me each and every day.   You are a loving, kind and caring person.  There are days when I strive to be more like you.  God has truly blessed our family with you and I cannot imagine life without you in it.  You make our lives brighter with each passing day.


You are so incredibly like your mom and you are so incredibly like your dad.  In fact, you are a perfect cross-section of both of us.  There are days when I sigh and think to myself...'you are soooo like your daddy!' and I'm sure your daddy does the same.  I love that I can look upon you and see myself, because you represent the best part of me. 

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear belly laughs from you... along with cheerful giggles and general happiness.  When you see a smiley-face anything, you always remind me that a smiley-face represents who you are...

Today I reminded you that you have 6 more years with us before you head off to college and live on your own.  You sighed and said, "I don't want to do that."  And I reminded you... "Oh, you will sweet girl... you will."  But rest assured, sweet girl, I will embrace these days and the coming 6 years with all my heart because I love you with my entire heart.  You are my heart.

So, happy birthday sweet girl.  I love you!
Mom

My Favorite Photo

This is my favorite photo of the girls and me.

Here's a scrapbook page to preserve the memory!

My two best girls (and their mommy) goofing off one afternoon back in 2005.

From the Inside Out

When I began this blog over two years ago, I wanted it to be a memoir of sorts, for my girls. I wanted it to be a reflection of my thoughts and feelings, and also of my sacrifices, defeats and of course, successes. In a sense this blog is dedicated to them. Thus, the reason why I'm sharing this in this forum.

I've spent the last several months pondering the course of my life. I've realized during this time of reflection, that I've "missed" a lot of my girls' life because I was wrapped up in my own.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with 'having a life'. Far from it. I just realized that I was too busy doing my own thing, that I practically missed a whole year of their precious little lives.

Over the last year, I did a lot of volunteering at my church. I loved every second of it and craved responsibility! I enjoyed the camaraderie and friends. I felt I needed to be involved not only for my church, but for me.

I suppose it came at a time when I felt a bit of freedom that I had not experienced in a long time. Elisan had just started Kindergarten and all of my days were occupied with one less child.

(Side note: For anyone who has two or more kids know that when you are down to one kid - whether it be just running errands or hanging out at home... life is much more simplified in a HUGE way.)

I felt I could get involved in other activities because of it and felt I could take on more stuff. So, that's what I did. I got really involved in my church and loved every second of it.

In addition to that, my fledgling little photo invitation business began to take off. When I wasn't working on church stuff, I was working on invitation orders. I was having a blast! Who doesn't like making money doing something you absolutely love? Yet, meanwhile, KM was vying for my attention, craving it, for that matter.

I was doing enough to get by... meaning... laundry, light housework and meals. Sure, we were doing just fine by "today's" standards... I mean, heck... I had dinner on the table at 6:30 p.m. each night, the kids were bathed, the beds were made, the laundry was put away! To some, that is a success, right?

I kept comparing myself to a 'working' mom. I was making money, so I just told myself (and the kids) that work was important and that I couldn't be interrupted with the little things.

By spring, things went from busy to full-scale work. My volunteering at the church bumped up to a directorship status - reporting directly to the children's pastor. Then invitation orders came flooding in. I felt successful and a bit arrogant. But truthfully, I was barely hanging on.

Then a strange thing happened. Randy came home telling me about a possible opportunity that he may offered a temporary job in China. Whoa! Talk about a reality check. What about me? What about all that I had been working for? What about my stuff?

I was so overwhelmed with the thought of moving to China I could no longer function. I knew I needed to cut some things from my life... the time-consuming stuff... and get back down to basics. So, I stepped away from all responsibilities at church. It was a painstaking decision, but I knew in my heart that it was necessary for my sanity.

Summer arrived and the girls' and I had a fabulous time. We did a lot of traveling back and forth to visit friends and family. We went swimming each day and just had a great time. I even joined the YMCA and lost about 12 pounds by exercising and doing something healthy for a change. I kept up my invitation business, but it was quickly slowing down because bridal shower season was coming to a close.

Yet, even with that, I was still not 'happy'. Oh, sure, I was happy, but not HAPPY... like the fulfilling kind of happiness that a person has knowing they are doing right by everyone. Why? Because I was still holding on to that selfish part of me that made life all about me.

I remember sitting at my friend Cyndi's house and complaining about this, that and the other. My kids, my husband, my house... everything. I clearly was not happy. Yet, in that conversation I don't remember saying anything about how I could change. How I could make a difference.

Several weeks passed and I humbly approached Randy and had a heart to heart with him. I told him about my unhappiness. I shared with him my guilts of not spending time with my kids. I wept to him describing how I was not living my life the way I wanted to be living it, or even how I should be living it.

From that moment on, something finally clicked in me. I realized that I didn't want to miss another single minute of their little lives. I didn't want to be regretful of not spending enough time with my daughters. I didn't want to be remorseful of the way I've neglected my husband. I realized that my job... my life... is about, and will always be about... my family.

So, I resolved to my husband and to myself that this year will be about my girls. I will not over-commit to anything this year. I will not over extend myself this year. What I want to do is sear these moments in my mind forever, because ya know what? I will always be able to volunteer at the school, or serve at my church or run a small at home business... but I will NEVER be able to get these years back when my girls, are little girls. Little girls that need their mommy. Little girls who look to their mom as their number one role model.

I want to look into their eyes and know that their every need - whether emotional, physical or mental - is met 100% and that mommy was there for them, not just in the same room with them. I want them to remember me, for me... their mom who loved them very much.

Randy supports me 100%. After all, I am a stay at home mom for a reason. That's not to say, that volunteering or serving is not honorable, because it is. It deserves one of the highest honors. But right now, I'm serving my God and I'm serving my husband and my daughters - From the inside out.

Photos by Kristi Richards Photography

Sisterly Love

I've been meaning to write about this story, but have been forgetting, amidst all of the 'gettin ready for school' stuff we've been doing.

A few weeks ago at the YMCA, I was picking up the girls after my workout and after looking for them for about 1 minute, I began to worry. Usually, KM spots me first and makes a mad dash to me, but not this time. Neither one of the girls were to be found.

--Heart-pounding--

I round the corner and I hear giggling from the girls' bathroom. I peek under the stall and see Elisan's shoes and KM's shoes dangling.

--Heart-rate slowing down now--

I walk up to the stall and tell Elisan to open the door. There is KM on the potty, pooping. If you know me at all, you know I am an anal kind of gal when it comes to matters of the potty and pooping. See, the gist of it is, that I am still wiping KM's botty after she poops. I can't stand the idea of her wiping herself. Nope. Not yet, anyway. I'm a little weird like that.

So, anyway, back to the story... KM is pooping and Elisan is standing there with her. I ask Elisan, "Elle, whatcha doing?"

She says, "Kyla's pooping!" in that "like duh!" voice.

I say, "She can poop by herself, ya know."

She says, "But, she can't wipe her self."

I say, "So, what? Were you going to wipe her booty for her?"

She says, "Yes... but, I didn't want to!"

That, my friends, is sisterly love.

So, next time you are questioning the love you have for your sister, (or brother for that matter...) stop and ask yourself... Would you wipe their booty for them?

Digi Scrap Fun!

I've been having fun putting together some digi scrapbook pages for the girls. I know, I know... most of you are still paper scrappin', but I'm loving the digi scrap! It's super easy, there is no waste and I can use the materials over and over again!

I just set my page set-up to 8x10, then up-load the final masterpiece to my local photo processing center. To have an 8x10 printed up is only $2.50! Can't beat that!

Here's Elisan's six year old scrap page. Her birthday is THIS week!

Kyla Mae needed a page all to herself and I love this picture of my sweet baby girl!

The sister page is probably my favorite, since it shows the girls throughout the years!
(Doesn't KM look old beyond her years in the black and white photo?

I can "see" her as a teenager in this photo!)

I downloaded the (FREE!) digi scrap files from Two Peas in a Bucket and from Shabby Princess.

Love you long time, baby!

Most people don't know that Randy and I sort've grew up together. We didn't attend the same school and we didn't live in the same neighborhood. But, we did attend the same church.

In fact, we both attended the same church from the time that we were in elementary school until we both moved away from home. Both sets of our parents still attend that church.

As tweeners, we both attended the Wednesday night Bible study and small group sessions.

I would go just to see Randy. Oh sure, I would go because I loved church and loved being with my friends, but truth be told, when Randy showed up, my eyes were glued on him the entire time - well, until he looked in my direction, then I'd pretend he didn't exist.

That's the first time I realized that I had a huge crush on him. I didn't know what it was about him, but I was in-love with him when I was 11 years old. I even recall sharing with one of the youth group mentors that "I was going to marry Randy one day" and of course, they chuckled and said the usual stuff like, "You never know what the future holds," etc., etc. But, I knew what my future held and I wasn't ever going to let go of it.

Fast forward about 4 years and Randy and I are in high school. That's when Randy began taking an interest in me. Honestly, I don't know how it all came about but eventually we ended up on a date. I don't hardly remember the details - I know, I'm such a romantic - but I do know that at the end of the date, I was dying to get a kiss from him. And, we did. And you know what? There were no fireworks. Nothing. Nada. Zip. (Hi, hun... love ya long time!)

Anyway, so that was pretty much it for me. We went out again about a year later, but still, it was as friends, rather than as a potential love interests. Yet, the funny thing was, I still held onto that declaration of marrying Randy way back in junior high and here's the proof. This was written in my 12th grade graduation scrapbook:


(Notice that I wrote we'd have two children, both boys. Does God have a sense of humor or what?)

After high school Randy heads out to Texas A&M and I stay home and attend the local university. We see each other from time to time when Randy comes in for holidays, etc., and we chatted occassionally, but only briefly. As time flies by, I see less and less of Randy and the next thing I know, he's living in Central Texas after college graduation.

I remember sitting at the kitchen table at my parent's house talking to my mom about life and love and saying, "Well, I guess I'm not going to marry Randy afterall." You see, a lot of things were going on, one of which was our love lives. I was in a serious relationship and so was Randy. All that was fine and good, but a small part of me still wished that I was the one that Randy was in love with... even though I knew we were just friends.

So, a year or two went by and I only heard tid-bits about Randy from my mom, via his mom. (Our folks are friends, don't ya know...) But, it was also through his mom, that my mother told me that Randy was no longer involved with his previous love interest and that he was single again. Unfortunately, at the time I was still dating my serious love interest.

Literally, a month later that relationship ended as well. That was December. My mom mentioned Randy's name again, but I was not interested and I recall telling my mother that I didn't have "those" feelings for Randy any more.

By April, my feelings changed.

In April, my mom and dad was invited to attend Randy's father's ordination ceremony. My mom called me up and told me they were going and I that I should go with them. I remember thinking, why would I want to go with them? Unless... Randy was going to be there. So, I went and he was there.

After the ceremony, we stopped and spoke only briefly, but I knew I wanted to see him again, so I made the gutsy move of asking him out to dinner before he went back home.

Our first date was wonderful. I knew, and he did too, that this time it was finally right.

We continued our long distance dating until that following September when he proposed to me. We got married that following December. December 5th. Which also happens to be my birthday.

I can get all hokey and say that marrying Randy on my birthday is the gift that keeps on giving, but.... I'll spare you...

Okay, I won't spare you... because it is. Randy is the best thing that has ever happened to me and his love is the gift that keeps on giving. And he knows it too, because I'm the best thing that has ever happened to him.

So, Happy 8th Anniversary babe. I love you and I always have.