The topic that has been on my mind for quite some time? Friendship.
I recently read a passage in the book "Nurture" by Lisa Bevere and she writes about friendships and other women:
- (pg. 66) "Other women are watching for you! They want to be your friends. They are just not sure how to approach you. Perhaps they are at your school. Maybe they are women searching for friends in the marketplace. I know the daughters in the house of God are looking for companions. Women the world over are looking for someone who will understand their hopes and fears as only another woman can. Open your eyes and look around you."
These words have been haunting me (to say the least) since I read them. But, the fact is... I have a hard time believing what she writes. I'm not saying that what she writes is NOT true... I just have a hard time believing it.
Are YOU watching other women... hoping to be their friend? Trying to get closer to them so as to be apart of their lives? To make a connection? I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but... I think to some extent what she writes is true.
But, I'm not sure I'm watching out for other women as much as I should.
Maybe that's because I'm easily intimidated by other women?
Thinking I don't measure up?
Maybe I've isolated myself on purpose?
See the fact of the matter is... I have friends. But, I have very few close friends. In fact, I really only have 1 (what I'd consider) best friend. And unfortunately, we live far apart and don't get to share our day to day stuff with each other.
Oh certainly, I can depend on my nearby friends and casual acquaintances... if I had an emergency, prayer need, support, etc... but these friends are not ones that know my everyday struggles and triumphs. These are not the friends who know me as well as I know myself.
I'm praying for a close friend... a tight knit companion who can relate to me. But, I wonder if I'm ready for her? Does God need to do some work in me?
So, my questions are:
- Do you believe that other women are watching for you?
- Do you look for friendships? Or do you wait for them to find you?
- Do you believe you are approachable to other women to befriend you? If not, why?
- Do you have a close (best) friend that knows your ups and downs? Does she live near or far?
I am so glad that you posted this because my friend and I have been talking about the fact that is hard to make close, personal friendships at these time in our lives. I don't know if other women are watching for me but I know that I am always watching for other women because I crave friendships. As far as a best friend, I would say that my husband is my best friend but he tries to relate to me like a man,obviously. So in answer to the question I don't really have a best woman friend. I think that this is an area that a lot of women struggle with, I wonder if it has something to do with the way that girls are raised.
ReplyDeleteI think we are looking with out trust sometimes. We have to keep our masks of "perfection" on and that is a HUGE barrier to true friendship. IT can takes so long to get to a point when you let someone see you without the makeup and the pretty words. And yet some people it is instant as if you were both looking for each other all your life. I think I have that with my best friend who has been with me thru thick and thin since college and then a friend I met thru social networking. I don't even give it a second thought about sharing what is REALLY going on in my head with these two women. And while I do think I'm always looking, not everyone clicks with my life and schedule and it doesn't always feel right to get real with them. I think it scares women when you get real with them. And suddenly you are vulnerable and they are backing up. When everything lines up just so, it is such a gift
ReplyDeleteI don't have a best friend either. I'm like you in that I have a very small number of close friends, one very close friend, but is she my best friend? Maybe? Am I her best friend? I don't know. Hmmm. I can say this ... every really good relationship that I have just happened and was not pursued. Not by me nor by them that I am aware of. I am always praying for God to bring me good friendships however :)
ReplyDeleteI think the best friend idea is tricky for married women. My husband is my best friend. I remember asking my mom who her best friend was once when I was a kid and thought that was crazy that was her answer. Now I understand. I think as a brand new SAHM almost six years ago, I was looking for friends. Now, I think I crave solitude more than social interaction, so I tend to neglect my friendships.
ReplyDeleteI like that you posted this topic too. This is often a topic on my mind, as I crave close female friendships (emotionally close, as well as close in proximity to my location!) I had a best friend from 3rd grade till high school graduation and now we send christmas and birthday cards- that's it....... Then I met a friend (forced mtg on a dorm elevator by my mother) at college and we became very close, although we only lived in the same town 2 semesters. We call each other best friends still, but we are at such different places in our lives. She is a US attorney working for the federal government, never married, and no children. I've now been married twice, 3 kids, moved a lot, and recently became a SAHM. Our struggles and triumphs are just not the same but we do continue to share as much of our lives as we can via email, text and visits a couple times a year. My mom and I are very close/best friends, but there are some things you just cant share (esp in the husband dept)!!! I didn't grow up with a sister, but sometimes wish I had. My circle of friends now include: playgroup moms, wives of my husbands friends, and a few ladies from church. I am hesitant to approach women, for I too am intimidated. I think that I am not approached often because I put off a snobby vibe, although it is not intentional and probably my own insecurities shining through. SO, I believe what the author is saying, and I am hopeful that I can be more open, giving, and others will think I am approachable and good 'friend' material!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post and something that I think about a lot! My husband and I have been married just 2.5 years, and there was a definite settling in phase where we were absorbed completely in each other and doing things as a couple. I realized, as well, that I really had one best friend and a lot of friendly acquaintances. It seems like things are different as an adult, partly because everyone has crazy busy schedules, and you don't have the same group of girlfriends you meet with regularly.
ReplyDeleteAlso - social media these days really gives a false sense of intimacy. You see pictures and updates and think you know what's going on in peoples' lives, but it's not the same as a face-to-face relationship! I've recently made more of an effort to try and meet with people regularly and nurture those friendships, but I don't know if I'll ever be the type to have friends I talk with every day about every detail.
GACK! My gigantic comment just got eaten. I'll try again...
ReplyDelete1. I guess I never really gave it a thought. I figured I was alone in my neediness.
2. I do, especially in situations like small group or MOPS, I'm always looking for a connection.
3. Probably not. I became an introvert somewhere over the last decade, and I tend to keep to myself unless I'm drawn out. Sad.
4. I have a college bestie who lives far away who doesn't know my day-to-day stuff, but we have great phone conversations whenever we talk. I have been hoping for/waiting for a close friend for 3 or 4 years now, and it's hard. I have one "friend with potential" but she's the type who has a million friends, so I don't know that I'd ever be her best friend even if she was mine. That's a hard thought.
Thanks for posting this. It's nice to know I'm at least not alone in these struggles...I'd love to hear a follow-up to this.
Do you believe that other women are watching for you? Yes
ReplyDeleteDo you look for friendships? Or do you wait for them to find you? I look out for them
Do you believe you are approachable to other women to befriend you? If not, why? Yes
Do you have a close (best) friend that knows your ups and downs? Does she live near or far? My best friend is my husband but I do have close friends near me.
I've had bad luck with friends. I prayed that God would take the desire out of my heart to have friends. God spoke to me one time during a service that it was time for me to start reaching out. It was clear that it was time for me to start being a friend to others so that I could start having friends. I wasn't ready to start making friends because I wasn't ready to get hurt.
However, I showed myself friendly. I started having lunch with friends, calling and making time to invest in other people. I am showered with a great group of ladies now. It has been a true blessing. My husband loves me and is still considered my best friend but the love from a friend that truly loves you is a true love all women desire.
Marcie
I have been wanting to comment on this for EVER!!! Ok, well, since you posted it! I totally crave friendships! I have a great relationship with my hubby of 16yrs, but I gotta have my girls! I need a girls opinion when his just isn't what I am looking for;) For me, Celeste said it best, she described having the full armor of God on and the only thing not covered is our backs we can cover each others backs once we find each other that is!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just our busy lives that our friend time gets overlooked like our mommy time! I have made one especially deep friendship living at our apartments. Esther moved in around the same time we did and we are like sisters, in 2 short years! Ok, now for your questions!
# Do you believe that other women are watching for you? Ummm, sure, I am looking for them, why wouldn't they be watching us, we each have qualities others yearn to learn from
# Do you look for friendships? Or do you wait for them to find you? Totally seek out friendship! I love having girl friends, but sometimes when I get to know the person, if it's not a good fit, I try to set good boundaries
# Do you believe you are approachable to other women to befriend you? If not, why? I hope so, I try to be more outgoing, but at times it is hard.
# Do you have a close (best) friend that knows your ups and downs? Does she live near or far? Yes, at least two in my apartment comm. and hmmmm but no long distance friendships.
"I'm praying for a close friend... a tight knit companion who can relate to me. But, I wonder if I'm ready for her? Does God need to do some work in me?" Maybe the friend your looking for can help bring out the hidden. I have found with my friends they stretch me to become who God has called me to be!
Well, I love ya lady, you are precious!