Wear it like a badge of honor

I have a lot to say today, so I'll dive right in.

I quit my job. (gasps heard 'round the world) Yes, yes I did.

Didn't I have the dream job working at my church part-time in the creative department? Wasn't it something I felt God was calling me to do in my effort to 'be more' for the kingdom of God? Yes! All of that is true.

But here's the kicker... I never felt peace in my home life. Never. I realized about 2 months into my job that I would probably not last, but being the stubborn person that I am... AND recognizing the honor it is to work at my church, I persevered. And the longer I persevered, the harder it was for me to find a balance in my home life.

Truth be told, my heart was no longer with my job... it was with my kids. I was no longer able to do the simple things, like attend class parties or field trips. When we would get home from school, I'd find myself checking work email and doing another hour's worth of work, when in reality, I should have been helping my kids with their homework and getting dinner ready. In addition, it was necessary for me to attend more meetings and church-wide events that took me away in the evenings or on weekends. For a job that was part-time, I felt like I was working full-time and in effect, my family and I were struggling.

Throughout this entire process, Randy has been amazing. Because honestly, I did not want to quit. I enjoyed working for my church. I enjoyed having a creative outlet for myself where I could make money in the process. And speaking of money, I enjoyed having money that I was able to freely spend for the first time since having kids! I did not want to quit because I would let down a lot of people, let alone Randy. And honestly, I did not want to quit, because I didn't want to let down my God. But thank goodness for a husband who has stood by me, supported me and encouraged me to follow my heart's desire. And thank God for a God that is full of grace.

Now... here's the important part! Why was going back to being a housewife and full time mom my heart's desire? Because it is THAT IMPORTANT TO ME. Taking care of my family by making sure my home is a safe haven for them at the end of their long day IS my heart's desire. I want to be available (mentally, emotionally, physically) to my girls at all times. I don't want them to have to compete for my attention because I'm preoccupied with work emails, deadlines, etc. I want my husband to not have to worry about the well-being of our children, when he has many more things to worry about, including working to care for his family. I believe God has placed mothering on my heart for a reason... because the reality is, they will not be little forever and I don't want to turn around one day and see that my kids are all grown up (or trying to grow up too fast) because I was too busy trying to fulfill my own fruitless endeavors. Because at the end of the day, I don't think I'll ever be remorseful for quitting my job to spend more time with my family.

So, I'm wearing my housewife badge with honor. It is a privilege and I do not take it lightly. So, take a moment to congratulate me, because I could not be more happy about my decision!


(Disclaimer: I realize there are mother's out there who have to work to make ends meet. I also realize that there are mothers out there who simply enjoy their careers outside of the home. I recognize that there are mothers out there who would rather be housewives, but cannot do it at this time.

This blog entry was not written to make YOU feel bad. It was written for me, by me, regarding my decision. I hope that clears up some ideas that I am possibly standing on a soapbox here, because I'm not. Oh, and for those who are curious, my last day is September 30th.)