Oftentimes when speaking to my girlfriends, the topic of submission comes up. If you are a Christian, you know that the Bible says that wives are to submit to their husbands.
What does submit mean? Well, the actual definition of submission is:
1. The act of submitting to the power of another;
2. The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.
I know that this idea makes some women's skin crawl! The act of submitting to a man could possibly be the most revolting thing some women have ever heard... but here's my take.
With submission, comes freedom.
What?
Yes... freedom.
By 'giving up' the power to my husband, I am free (or have freedom) to act in my role as a mother, wife, friend, mentor --freely! I no longer have to live outside of my role by trying to be all of those things and also the role that God intended for man.
Don't get me wrong, because we have a marriage relationship that is Christ led, he honors me as his wife. That same verse that says, "wives submit to your husbands"; well, the second part of that passage is "husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up to her." So, when I submit to my husband I am doing it out of honor and respect. And consequently, he loves me unconditionally. It is a partnership and I'm here to say, it works.
It is the same freedom we experience when we give our lives to Christ and allow him to take control of our lives. When we accept Jesus as our savior, submit obediently and unconditionally to Him, we have the freedom to live. That's why He died on the cross for us. For our freedom!
So girls, I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Stop trying to do the job you were not intended to do. And, if you are "stuck" playing both parts because your man is not acting within his role, then pray that God begin to move in his life to become the leader of your household - both physical and spiritual.
Much love,
Erica
P.S. - I am almost positive this may generate negative comments and I'm cool with that. But know that at the end of the day, this is my blog and I reserve the right to delete comments that are not encouraging to the reader.
When you say you are "giving up" the power to your husband, in which areas do you mean? What do you consider to be your responsibilities, and what are his? In your opinion, does this vary from marriage to marriage?
ReplyDeleteYou also say that we should stop trying to do the job we were not intended to do, so what is that exactly?
I'm not trying to poke, but am genuinely curious. Chris and I have a nice balance, and our own areas of responsibility, but I wouldn't say that I "submit" to him. I'm wondering if we are thinking about it in the same way.
Hi Erica! Thanks for the feedback...
ReplyDeleteAn example of submitting that recently came up in our marriage... (there are many, but this one is recent...) We are heavily invested in the stock market. When the economy took a downturn in October, we saw 40% of our stock investments disappear. My initial reaction to Randy was to take the money we had left and get out now! His reaction was why don't you trust me in this? I have taken care of us for 10 years doing the exact thing we are doing now... We don't have a house mortgage, we don't have car notes, we have zero debt... all because of his money management skills. That is not to say I don't have any say so in how our money is spent... quite the contrary. But, by trusting him in the last 10 years, he has positioned ourselves to live debt free. In this economy that is golden! So, while we have lost 40% of our stock assets, I trust that his decisions are for the long haul, not for the temporary.
I don't break our "chores" down into submissive roles. But, there are things I do around here that he does not do and vice versa. That is the balance you will need to find for yourself. I don't however, say to him... "you don't ever do ______! It's time you start stepping up around here and do _____!" Instead, I'd ask him to help me because he loves me, not because I demand it. Trust me... asking out of love, goes a long way rather than demanding it. That's how we ultimately treat our kids, right?
Randy deals with the heavy stuff... the stuff that I tend to worry about... money, bills, etc. I handle the stuff that he worries about... taking the girls to the restroom in a public place and shopping! :) (That's sort've a joke, but not really!)
Great post, Erica. I think we can all improve in this area--living as God designed us to. I, for one, can be quite stubborn when it comes to submission. But just as Christ loves the church and Hosea loved Gomer, my husband is so dear in rebuking me (in love) and loving me still. It is a great blessing to be in a marriage in which God is the head.
ReplyDeleteI loved your post!
ReplyDeleteI think a large part of submitting to your husband lies in the fact that he loves and respects you. Because of that, he will honestly do what is best for you and for the family. I trust my husband fully in making the big decisions. I tend to make all the little day to day decisions, but I am very happy to submit to his making the bigger ones.
Thanks for your post!
Not sure how to phrase this to avoid my first "being deleted from your blog" =0). But what if some sweet woman finds herself married to Mr. Always Right and ends up realizing she had to leave him because he had used their life savings and she and the children no longer had a house? I knew an otherwise intelligent lady this happened to 10 years ago because she trusted him 100% to deal with all financial matters without knowing he started gambling before it was too late. Love is blind - but after the first months of courting I find it absolutely OK to switch to the sort of love where you keep one eye slightly open. That said - our now soon 33 y old marriage is working fine - and we have always agreed that the person who was best at something would do just this. I'm the best cook, my DH (being x-army) is the best to control the cleaning of the house, he is very clever when it comes to politics - but I used to write his speeches when he was an active local politician. In short I am with you xx % of the way but YES the word submit does rub me the wrong way if it relates to one person only. But HEY I was here in the wild 70's maybe that's why. =0)
ReplyDeleteSorry me again - I knew I had a link to share - just had to find it. As you know I live in the land of the great fairy tale author Hans Christian Andersen - and most children here know all of his tales - this being one of them - and a sweet one too. As you can see from this - your statement is not unknown to us ... http://www.andersenstories.com/en/andersen_fairy-tales/what_the_old_man_does_is_always_right ... Hugs from your Danish friend
ReplyDelete