I've recently had to have several conversations with Elisan that began with "Elisan, I'm telling you this because I'm your mom and I love you."
The conversation would then consist of "don't do _____" because your friends will make fun of you. Or, "maybe you should not ______ in public" because your friends will laugh at you. Or, "perhaps you should not say ______" because it is not ladylike.
Let me just say for the record... I HATE having these conversations with my daughter and because I am so conflicted over it, I wonder if I should even be having these conversations with my daughter.
Should I just allow the natural force of kid cruelty to mold her? Or should I protect her as best as I can from it... for as long as I can?
I remember in second grade, the little girl next to me wet her pants in class. That image/scene will forever be burned into my brain. I never made fun of her... I actually felt bad for her... but I wonder who DID make fun of her and how long did she carry the weight and guilt of that isolated incident?
THAT'S what I'm trying to protect Elisan from. Am I wrong? Please, I need some wisdom here...
No, you're not wrong! You're being a concerned and loving parent. Thank goodness you care enough to steer her in the appropriate direction. No matter how smart they are, our kids don't come equipped with the subtle nuances of socially acceptable behavior. That's something that's taught. And, in my opinion, better by you than by getting her feelings hurt by some insensitive peer on the playground.
ReplyDeleteI think it is good to forewarn her- she still has the choice to listen to you or not. If she doesn't she may quickly learn you were right and she'll learn to listen to you in the future.
ReplyDeleteI agree you are NOT wrong at all. I have the same struggles with my oldest and worry if I make the situation worse by having the 'talks'. As mothers we want to protect our children from harm both physical and emotional. I think this is yet another sign of what a great mom you are to your girls.
ReplyDeleteThank y'all for your words of wisdom! I "thought" I was making a good decision about this and I'm glad to know that you all agree with me! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat gets me is the look on her face that I don't accept her for who she is when I am having these conversations. Even when I tell her that I love her, etc... she still looks dejected and upset. I'd rather her be upset with me than be humiliated in front of the entire class.
I'm not sure I would put so much emphasis on what her friends would think of her if she did something. Who cares what they think. It's a fine line to walk with girls. Maybe just saying "because that behavior is not appropriate in certain settings". There's a difference between teaching social graces and worrying about what someone else thinks.
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