Want to be my friend?

(Disclaimer: It is not my intention to offend. This is simply a dissection of my life, thoughts, feelings and emotions - most of which, should not be read too deeply into too, because really... I'm a surface-only kind of gal. If you are reading this, and find yourself offended, step away from the computer...)

I was recently chatting on the phone with one of my closest friends and we both had such an amazing realization that I wanted to blog about it.

I've come to realize that my friendships no longer thrive around my children. That my relationships with my girlfriends is simply that... because they are my girlfriends.

When I first had Elisan, I was very lonely but within a year, I fell into a wonderful group of women, who not only filled the lonely void in my life, but we had common interests and that was mainly the fact that we all had children in similar ages.

What we found, was that each of felt as if we had fallen into that lonely pit of despair and found solace in each other. We had formed a group of friendship, but it centered around our children.

As the years passed, all of us (with the exception of one) had more children. Our group was a wonderful support group for our growing families. The group evolved from being about us surviving as new stay at home moms, to survival with two or more kids. Our little playgroup was no longer little. The outlet for moms was quickly becoming overshadowed by the overwhelming size of the group.

Soon after, the layers of the friendship began to peel away because of busy schedules, part time jobs, volunteering and school. It wasn't much longer before our group began to peter out. Several of the women continued to meet weekly (and still do) but for the most part, the group had disintegrated.

It was a tragic end to a group of women who formed a bond out of loneliness and pure survival of motherhood. It still pains me to know that I no longer have relationships with these women whom I shared intimate thoughts and feelings with.

As the year passed, I began to develop closer relationships with a few of the moms from the original group that I had more in common with. As as the months flew by, I realized that my friendships with them didn't involve our kids anymore, but it was about us, being moms, wives, friends, employees, etc. It wasn't about our kids anymore. It was about us. What a revelation!

Oh sure, don't get me wrong, our kids still played together, but realistically, I was more concerned with my friendships with these women, than I was about my kids getting to spend time with other kids.

As it turns out, two of my best friends have since moved away, but it doesn't stop us from blabbing on the phone (or Instant Message) for at least an hour a week. Another friend is working, so I don't see her as much as I'd like, but my busy schedule and her busy schedule keep us from getting together much any more.

I have new friends now, who I love and cherish and hope that they know how much they mean to me. They are my friends because of me! Not my kids...

Finally, to the relationships that I put on hold because I didn't think I had anything in common with them once I had kids... I'm sorry. It's taken me a long time to "find myself". I hope that we can re-kindle our friendship to the level in which it was left off.

So, that's it in a nutshell. For the first time in a long time, I'm completely content in my life and in my female relationships.

Do I have room in my heart for more friends? Of course! Can a new friend have children that my girls can play with? Sure! That's even better! But, will my friendship exist because of our kids? No... I'm not that person any more. I want a friend that likes me for me and I like them for them.